Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
