Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
