nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
