My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
