Whod you bang
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
