Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
