I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
