His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
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