Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
