She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
