I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
