i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
