There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
