Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
