he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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