Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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