I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
