told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
All the doctor said was why
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
