I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
