Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
