I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
