i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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