The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
