Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
