She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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