Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
