Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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