better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
