When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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