I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i think my cat just said my name.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
