We won't sleep together?
She's JV to your varsity
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
