My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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