I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
