Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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