Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
