Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
