thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
