id be glad to
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
