a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
