Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
