Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
