Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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