If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my being single is dangerous.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
