Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
