You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
