i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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