I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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