That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
two words...techno handjob
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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