Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
