Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
