i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
