just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
