I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
