All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
