Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I party with great urgency now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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