My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
