I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
