yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
