Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
