dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
