She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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