What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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