party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
