I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
