I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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